nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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