Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
