shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
