cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
