I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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