apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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