Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
