Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Watching her eat just hurts me
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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