can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
