I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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