Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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