If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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