found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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