I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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