Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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