u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
