I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
