i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
