Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
