we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
