literally had 100 drinks last night.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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