take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
