I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
