Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It's never too late to be topless.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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