good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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