my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
