just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
