she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
