I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
