I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
