Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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