Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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