I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
