Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
