New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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