She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
