yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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