Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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