I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
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cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
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I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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