if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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