What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
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