I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
