Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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