I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
