Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
there is puke in my bra ... again
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
