you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
