hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
