also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
