I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
love makes seman taste better
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
