I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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