No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
