"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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