I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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