my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
