I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
