Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
