there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
