i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My vagina is officially offended.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
