guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
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I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
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He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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