i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
