Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Too much gin, very little bucket
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
