so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
